Joyful Sorrow

Every year, the excitement of Christmas brings with it disappointment, and often grief. No joy comes along as perfect ecstasy this side of eternity. Why do you think we cry so much at weddings? There seems to be no other way to express the feelings of intense joy and grief that are experienced at such an event.

Even guests feel the depth of what is happening at a wedding ceremony: the eternal joining of two humans, the creation of a new family. It is a beautiful thing, and that makes us cry for the joy of it! But it is also a bittersweet thing: because to start something new you must end something old. There is a sense of death (you could say it is a death of the old self).

Speaking of death, we cry for similar reasons at funerals. We cry for relief that the person is, in the best cases, reunited with their Savior and their suffering ended, and we cry for grief that we no longer get to experience their presence on this earth.

For me, the mix of joy and sorrow feels stronger than ever this year. I’ve attended enough weddings to understand the mix of emotions, but now, the next wedding upcoming is my own. The emotions are way more intense. I don’t think anyone properly warned me of how hard preparing to “leave and cleave” would really be. It is a beautiful, wonderful, very hard thing indeed.

Getting married is very joyful, and very bittersweet. With the excitement, elation, and anticipation of starting a wholly new chapter of life, there is a strong undercurrent of pain at leaving behind the life I’ve known: Christmas traditions will be different next year. I’ll live in a different house. Relationships will naturally shift. Even my daily routines will change!

Last week Sunday, I attended my fiance’s family’s church, and it was the Sunday of Advent that focuses on joy. Yet the preaching and the worship spoke of both joy and grief, and it felt very timely to me. What broke into my heart was a reading of Zephaniah 3:14-20, particularly verses 16-17:

On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:

“Fear not, O Zion;

let not your hands grow weak.

17 The Lord your God is in your midst,

a mighty one who will save;

he will rejoice over you with gladness;

he will quiet you by his love;

he will exult over you with loud singing.

There have been some moments the last few weeks that I’ve felt very weak. The stress of planning has gotten to me at times, and little things have sometimes felt earth-shattering. When I heard this passage in Zephaniah, something broke into my heart, crumbling a brittle and dead thing that had been hiding there. The tears just came as I praised God. It was as if God had wrapped me up in a strong, tender embrace and whispered the words of Zephaniah into my ear, “..he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing…”

Reader, this is the love He has for us! Creator God, Eternal and Almighty King, willingly humbled Himself to be born as a human baby- and willingly was scarred, spit on, and killed so we might come to know Him in personal, intimate relationship. He loved us that much!

Whatever season of life you may be in, I am sure you feel both grief and sorrow, likely one more of one than the other. It’s easy to lose perspective when our hopes for a joyful holiday season feel a million miles off. Yet these dark moments are the very moments God often meets us, whispering, “I’m here, my beloved son, my beloved daughter. I rejoice in you. I will hold you and quiet you with my love. I will sing over you.” Whatever heaviness you carry, God is inviting you to give to Him. It’s not easy to let go (otherwise why would we ever carry any burdens at all?), but Jesus assures us we aren’t intended to be crushed by our grief and burdens. He came to carry the weight of it all, for us, out of love.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

(Matthew 11:29-30)

This Christmas, let’s accept the grief that comes with the joy. Let’s pause long enough to allow the feelings and fears to surface- and then lay them down at the feet of Jesus. And like the anticipation of waiting for Christmas morning, or one’s wedding day… let’s wait with eager anticipation for the day when all sorrow is washed away, and Jesus comes to take us home as His Bride.

Revelation 21:2-7:

And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son.