But First, Coffee

I am employed part-time as a barista at the neatest, ministry-focused, non-profit local coffee shop (this following a brief employment at a chain coffee joint, which I did not love). I have long had a love for coffee. I am not (very) addicted to the caffeine of coffee. It’s the experience: the warmth of temperature and flavor, the earthy goodness of the beans’ aroma. The artistry of coffee-making and roasting.

Therefore, coffee has a special meaning to me. God has used it to give me understanding to spiritual truths.

I have this burnt umber, faux-leather journal (which I use for my Bible study and prayer time), with a coffee mug design on the front. In cold lettering above: “But First, Coffee.”

This little (overused) line has felt untrue to me. I thought, “Coffee is great- but it’s not that important to me! I wish it said, ‘But First Jesus.’”

As God often seems to do, He likes to use the unforeseen and even trite things to speak a deeper message. This morning during my Bible and prayer time, I was drawing a word picture in my Bible journal of a coffee mug, filled with some liquid, steam tendriling off the top in graceful swirls. Above the mug, I wrote the words “Lord, fill me. I am empty for you.”

Then I remembered the cover of the journal, with the line twirling into the shape of a coffee cup and the silly motto, and I realized they went together perfectly.

It felt like God hit me in the face with a snowball. The deeper message God had for me was suddenly there: “Before you can do what is next and ahead, you first have to be filled. Before I can fill you, you have to be completely empty.“

“But first” means there is a “then next”. It is an unfinished sentence. It calls for a completing part.

This moment in my life feels like everything- but it’s just “coffee”. Preparation. Sanctification. Honing. I won’t be ready for the “then next” without training. It’s the time when God is readying me, emptying out the chaff from my heart and soul, so He can fill me with something greater.

I cannot know the timetable for this readying period. It would ruin the point to discipline that the suffering (without knowing its end) teaches me.

I Want to See the Stopwatch!

Another thing I love that God often uses to help me understand His truth is Martial arts. Aside from physical strength/skill, my time training in Taekwondo produced a great deal of personal development and character. Yet the part that has proved again and again to be the most valuable from that training experience was the spiritual metaphors hidden in the workouts and training (I have a blog post that goes into some more thoughts about this here).

Life and an intense workout have much in common. In a workout, it is far easier to “survive” and stay hopeful when you can see the stopwatch, and know how many more seconds you have to endure. Any athlete can relate to the feeling of hope at seeing the countdown at ten seconds until the drill is finished!

However, seeing the stopwatch doesn’t build the deepest sort of grit; the kind when you know you can make it to the end, because you will, even though you won’t know how long before the end comes.

Allowing God to Fill

Let’s fit the two metaphors, (filling a coffee cup; not knowing when the workout will end) together: God doesn’t make accidents. I don’t believe He created coincidence.

This means the moment I am living right now is no accident. I am not here because of happenstance of events. The “big picture” of my life is not visible to me, I can’t see the stopwatch and when this painful “workout” will end. But God is a professional trainer who knows exactly how hard to push me, and He knows what He needs me to do. I don’t need to perfectly pace myself to control the outcome, I simply need to trust Him.

God has a plan. He has one for my life, and He has one for yours. It may be less “grand” then we envisage, but He has a working for the pieces to all to fit into His grand, elaborate puzzle. Nothing is lesser in His eyes. Nothing empty rubbish.

I am empty for Him to fill me up. The emptiness is good. If this feels like you, I invite you to join me in the painful beauty of it. Sit in the feeling of emptiness. Let yourself feel the need and lack. In time, God will use the struggle in this season to build up the grit in our hearts, preparing us for the moment when the stopwatch timer ends.