Allison Janae Blog

Photo courtesy of the author. 2025.

Contentment has been a struggle for me recently. It’s not that I am a negative, bitter person. (I always imagined people who struggled to be content were this way). I am grateful for my life. I am blessed in more ways than I can count. I am surrounded by wonderful people and things.

Despite all of this, discontent has been like a thread woven through my life in the few years. It has left me feeling unsteady, unstable, and uncertain. I imagine it feels the same as drifting along the sea without any compass or set course.

What is going on?

Craning Our Necks

I’ve been reading through A Way of Seeing, a collection of essays from Edith Schaeffer. One of the articles I read most recently hit a tender spot: “What’s Going to Happen to John?”

In this article, Edith expounds on the scene in the Gospel of John 21, where Peter encounters Jesus at His first appearance to the disciples after His resurrection. For context, here is a summary of this interaction:

Peter is asked by Jesus three times if he loves Him, to which Peter replies with growing vexation (probably remembering his thrice-denial of his Lord, back when Jesus was being tried before Pilate), “you know I do, Lord!”. Jesus then commands Peter to feed His sheep- and foretells of Peter’s martyrdom.

Peter is upset. Well, upset is one way to put it. Peter is not content with hearing that his future fate will be crucifixion. He looks around quickly, and sees John peacefully enjoying his breakfast of fresh-caught fish. Peter asks Jesus, “what about him?? What’s his fate going to be??” 

Are we so different?

Edith tells us how it is:

“Each of us is in danger of craning our necks to see whether God is giving someone else more- an easier life, bigger things, more exciting events. And in the process we are apt to take our eyes completely off the directions the Lord has given us.

[…] Our eyes can be so solely on the points of comparison that we miss what the Lord would show us is our own next step.”

– Edith Schaeffer, A Way of Seeing

Dear reader, I cannot overestimate how close this hit to home for me. You’re telling me, my discontent with my life has been rooted in jealousy and envy and distrust of God? And I could very well be missing the next thing God has for me because of my distraction away from my real life? What a painful wake up!

For me personally, I am in a unique season. I am working an “easy” part-time job and spending many afternoons in quiet while my husband is at work. I would describe it as a slow season. Though I know such a moment is a precious gift, I have been pining after others’ lives so much lately, it’s left me wishing to be anywhere else than here all the time:

I see a woman pushing a stroller through the downtown where I work, and all I’ve thought is, “Someday… I’ll be a mother like her, instead of working here, doing nothing of real importance.” I listen to a podcast, or watch a speaker on a video platform, and all I’ve thought is, “Someday… if I’m lucky, I’ll be an influencer of people like her, sharing important things with a large audience, instead of piddling around with a blog on the side.” My eyes are never looking at the life before me, always at what seems greener in other’s proverbial yards.

How easy discontent infiltrates our joy! Luckily, I know I’m not the only one. I’ll wager you too have something(s) that leave you feeling like your life should contain more. That you should be someplace better than where you are. We are all reaching for someday, instead of living in today. We are telling God we trust and love Him, all the while not acting on our words and trying to make our own plans happen anyways.

Called to Here

Edith Schaeffer’s words reveal a poignant truth to us: where we are is the only place to be. Wishing to be another person is ignoring where God is leading us as an individual. Craving for another job, different circumstances or someone else’s life are dare I say God has called us to this place. It’s a different location, a different time frame, for each person. 

How often I tell God with my actions, “Sorry, I know you said you have a good plan for my life, but I made my own plan just in case… because I don’t really believe or trust you.” 

What does Scripture have to say about our distrust? A lot, actually. Too much to quote here. One passage that especially stands out to me is from the prophet Jeremiah:

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” – Jeremiah 17:7-8

“Its leaves remain green, and is not anxious for the year of drought”. It is not anxious. Where is my trust? In myself, or in the God who loves and created me?

There is never a time, never a season, when leaning on God will not allow me to grow and flourish. There is never a time when He will not provide for my thriving. Busy or slow, peaceful or chaotic. The circumstances of my life are never a surprise to Him.

And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.” Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them […]. When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?”
Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!”  

-Jesus (John 21:18, 20-22)