Allison Janae Blog

Today’s post will be less “formal”, imagine we’re having a Saturday morning coffee together. 🙂

Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”

Matthew 19:13-14

I don’t often share things from my actual life here. However, as is evidenced by my lack of posts these last two months, life has been very full. And seeing as this “fullness” (I don’t like to say busy) has taken up most of my thought life, this is what I have to share.

We all know days like that. We all know when those full days stack one on top of another and turn into a whole season, some lasting years. There are always little respites in the midst of the movement or chaos, if we know to look for them, and this keeps our heart alive while the rest of our mind and body grinds… but we still get worn out.

Life hasn’t exactly been a grind to me recently, but it has been full to the brim with change and new experiences. First, buying a house. What an exciting and thought-consuming thing it is!! I am young, and this process has only made me feel younger (strangely enough). There is so much information I don’t know, so much to research to do, so much to figure out how it works and what to do next… For those of you who are young adults like me and not yet entered into the season of home-hunting and buying, know that you won’t be the only one who feels a little clueless. For those of you who are wiser than I and lived decades of experience more than me, thank you for being so patient to us clueless “little adults”!

There has been another enormous and exciting life change which I will have to share about soon (but not quite yet), and both of these events have filled every inch of my brain. It hasn’t been stressful, or not as much as I’d expect, however. A strange, blanketing, whispering peace has colored each moment. God has been very present. There has been a beautiful invitation from Him to me in the midst of all this change:

“Come be an infant with me again.”

It struck me recently how we talk about being a “little child” in our walks with Jesus. Children are trusting, reliant, and joyful to walk with their parents. Yet this felt a little too “old” for my current heart situation! God seemed to be whispering to me it was time to know infant-level trust with Him. Infants are completely dependent. A six-year-old has some agency, an ability to act according to their own preferences and plans. A three-month-old has no such independence. They wholly rely on the care of their parents to sustain them.

That’s where I’m at. I don’t know what I’m doing in life, and so much is so new… But fear does not have to taint anything. Instead, leaning into God as my Daddy and gripping His hand (or simply His finger) like a helpless babe has opened up deep peace, and joy, in the unknowing.

Is there ever a time in life when we really “know what’s up”? Where we feel totally confident in where we are and what we’re doing and what we’re going to do next? Maybe some of us do; but does it ever last long? We never outgrow relying on God like little infants. And you know what? I know He loves it more than anything.

There is no formulaic way to “lean into God” and “rest in His peace”, by the way. He will show you how though, if you ask Him. It will be scary to close your eyes and just hold His hand, but the fear will give way to joy at where He is taking you. He’s a good father. He really is.

Where do you feel clueless? Where do you feel like a little kid, maybe even a newborn? We’re all little kids walking with Jesus, after all.