Something Has Changed…
A note from Allison: This spring/summer has been quite a life season for me. My hiatus from blog writing is evidence of this. Some enormous news has been the reason… and it is high time I share it in blog form (even if it’s only for me to look back on and read). The main body of this post was written sometime in late June, and with all that has come in that time span, it has been forgotten and collecting dust. So here it finally is! And here is my news:
My husband and I are pregnant with our first child! We are overjoyed (and overwhelmed) as the reality of this sinks into our hearts deeper and deeper, and the baby (and I) grows a little bigger as each week passes.
This experience of pregnancy and becoming a mother has opened up some very intimate doors in my soul. The last several months I have trekked through sheer cliffs and yawning valleys, sometimes in the heat of sunshine and sometimes in the cool of rain. Sometimes I felt helpless and lonely, sometimes serene and accompanied. There is a throughline in it all that has recently appeared to me, and this is what I’d like to share with you today.
Moths to Butterflies
I went on a walk a few days ago, enjoying the temperate 75-degree morning until it become hot. I was thinking about all of the things I have to get done, mentally listing all of the worries and tasks of (hopefully) switching prenatal care to a different provider, getting our new home comfortable, and every important thing in between. It felt like my mind was full and fluttering with moths and all sorts of nuisance bugs.
Then, out of the blue, I felt a soft, strong whisper from the Holy Spirit. As if he opened a window and all of the bugs flew out, and I felt a fresh breeze come in instead. I didn’t hear a word, but felt a powerful impression: But what about that which is eternal?
Then butterflies- a kaleidoscope of colors and textures- flew into the proverbial window in my mind: My body is growing a human soul. A separate, distinct, unique, eternal being. It hit me: the kind of pregnancy, the kind of birth I have with this child, they have no impact on the child’s eternity. They are only valuable this side of death, and they only last a breath.
What matters is how I nurture, pour into, raise up, encourage, and love this child. This is what will impact his/her life forever. This is all that matters for me to do right now. For this growing baby, yet protected by my body from the outside world, is the beginning of the next generation. This baby is a human being who will touch countless lives, whose personality and giftings will also make a difference in eternity.
All that truly matters for me to do is to do this “eternal work”, and do it with all my heart.
Seeking out Eternal Moments
Can we grasp eternity? I cannot. Yet for some reason, I always measure the value of my moments, even my whole life, by the everyday things that blip in and out and are rarely thought of again. But ETERNITY. It’s hard to believe we belong to a reality as expansive and meaningful as eternity! God belongs to eternity, and that makes sense. But us?! So finite and mortal and easily broken as we are, it is hard to picture our bodies restored for an Eden world.
The crazy thing is, we do. And so does the baby growing in my womb. Every baby, in every womb, is an eternal soul.
It is a glorious, fearful thing to realize.
It doesn’t matter if you are a mother, or will ever be one. It doesn’t matter if you, reader, will experience pregnancy. Every person you speak to, touch, see, and walk past is an eternal soul. You may not bring them to salvation by a smile… but mightn’t you? Might that handful of seconds you took to awkwardly tell that woman she was beautiful make a difference for her eternity? Might the inconvenience of asking that older man if he needed help carrying something have impacted him soul-deep?
Sharing the Gospel doesn’t always look like laying out the salvation story in detail. Many times, I find the most powerful moments lie in the sharing of stories, which always starts with some vulnerable connection: a question, a compliment, a noticing of someone you easily could have moved on past. I can think of times when I noticed someone, and times when I noticed but did nothing- and feel the regret of not listening to the Spirit’s tug.
Sometimes, that initial attention to a stranger leads to more conversation, and might lead you to getting to know the stranger, and that might give you the opportunity to tell them about the Love of your life Jesus. Even the deepest conversations first take small moments of kindness and trust to open the door.
In wrapping up, I will share another story from my own life where God presented me with a chance to act with eternity in mind, instead of my present moment:
I was at the laundromat (we didn’t have any laundry machines in the place we were renting), listening to music on my headphones and folding clothes. I was in my own world, tuning out my surroundings and just trying to quickly finish my chore. The woman across from me- an older woman, probably in her 70’s- seemed to be waving at me to get my attention, and I pulled off a headphone earcup. “You dropped this!” She said cheerfully, and handed me a lone sock. I am sure I said a quick thank you, and was genuinely grateful that she took the time to give me back the lost item. She easily could’ve left it on the floor where it had been.
I finally load all my husband’s and my clothes into my car, and am enjoying the music still playing on my headphones. Then I feel a nudge from the Holy Spirit: “Go back inside and tell that woman she is beautiful.”
I groan. “I’m really glad to finally be done with errands and go home! And that’s such an awkward request, a weird thing to say to a stranger. Really God??”
“I don’t know. Is this really from you God? How about this: I’ll finish listening to this last song, and if I still feel this nudge, I’ll go in and do it.”
Three minutes later, I sigh, take off my headphones, and shuffle reluctantly back into the laundromat.
I go up to the woman, who is luckily just getting around to leave, and tell her out of the blue: “This might be kind of weird, but I felt like God wanted me to tell you that He loves you, and you’re beautiful.”
This woman lit up. She thanked me in such a non-awkward way, and told me that this time of year (it was around Thanksgiving) was hard for her because it’s when her daughter passed away only a short time ago. I was suddenly stunned by this warm vulnerability she showed me. I was compelled to pray for her, and the last thing I remember from the interaction was how soft and warm her hands were.
This opportunity to share simple encouragement humbled me deeply. I don’t know if it impacted that woman long-term, but here’s what’s funny: it impacted me. It was a powerful message to me of living with an eternity-focus, instead of present-focus.
Where do you feel a tugging towards what is eternal right now?
Do you feel a resistance, maybe something like irritation or shame as you read this question? Hey, pay attention to that. Your sin nature is like mine- it does not want to do what pleases God.
(Paul got it too: “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.” Romans 7:18)
As a friendly reminder, the Holy Spirit rarely (never?) asks us to do what we already really want to do. So don’t let an initial feeling of resistance keep you from being obedient to a small kindness you are feeling the Holy Spirit lead you to. There is “good” resistance too, of course, that should be heeded- but I know you can assess in each individual moment what kind it is. What harm could come from your obedience to the nudge?
In my case, there was clearly none- and that made it easy to know (though no easier to do) that it was God nudging me. Like most things outside of our comfort zones, we have to start by trying. Maybe you find what you thought God was telling you to say to someone goes awkwardly, or just falls completely flat. Oh well. Then all we do is shrug off our pride and know we didn’t run from awkward for the sake of someone’s eternity!
I hope these thoughts and experiences from my own life encourage you. And rest assured, not a single one of us as “got it all figured out” 🙂
“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.
Galatians 6:7-9
For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
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